The life beyond, the truth within..

Wow, it has already been around 2 months since I decided to join the Student’s Senate (SM-Fasilkom UI)! Back then, I remembered the day when I decided to accept Nasri’s (The President of the Senate) offer to me. The offer to become the Head of the most dangerous Departement (well, that’s what I thought) in the Senate. The  P&K Department. The P&K itself stands for ‘Profesi dan Keilmuan’ (or Profession and Knowledge.. did I translate it right?). Basicly it’s a Department that deals with small or big events that has to do with Information Technology (IT) such as Computer Workshops, Expos, or Seminars. Big Events from my Faculty came from this Department. OK, back to my decision. Supposedly, I should’ve not taken Nasri’s offer if I wanted to optimize my Grades to its fullest. (For those who don’t know, my Grades, my GPA, is currently at the worst point ever. It’s way below standard. and it’s been like this for the past 1 and a half years). And my previous organization experience wasn’t really good at all (disappointed many people for instance). But then again, Life is a choice. We decide our future by making that choice. If I wanted to play safe, I would have rejected the offer. But opportunities like this don’t come very often. So, after many many considerations, I decided to accept this risky offer. An offer which lead me to a position I would never had imagined before. A position that needs very high responsibility and commitment. I decided to take all those, on that one day in July. It was an all new experience to me. A few weeks later, I found myself with 16 new companions inside the Department. 16 new brothers (and sisters) that will help me, side-by-side, for the one whole year. 16 new people, that I have considered, as a family. My second family.  Looking at them, deep in my heart, I vowed to myself to never let them down. To give them comfort and warmness a family can have. Welcome abroad brothers. Let us do our best! For the sake of this Department. For the sake of this Organization. And for the sake of this Faculty..

Insha Allah…

What a day! Felt really tired, after becoming the ‘field coordinator’ (Did I translate it right?) for today’s new student "briefing" at my faculty. Glad things went just fine. All those events ended just about 3 hours ago, which was already dark by the way. And you know what, suddenly, it was rainning. And now, I’m stuck inside the SM-Fasilkom UI’s room (for those who don’t know, SM stands for ‘Senat Mahasiswa’) waiting, until the hard rain ends.

Ok, what to talk? How about, let’s talk about life.What’s so interesting about life?You know, I often opened my sms conversation with the line "how’s life?" to my fellow friends. Till know, I always thought that those 2 words have deep meanings inside. It’s like a universal question. A Question that can be answered by many kinds of different answer. But really, what is Life really? Any opinion?

Assalamualaikum

Ok, this feeling had just struck me in. The feeling of insecure. Looking back, I remembered of all the stupid, selfish, and foolish things I have done. The mistakes that kept repeating itself. The guilt that just can’t stop haunting. I have made, a stupid action.. in the beginning. And then, I made ANOTHER stupid action. This time, regret feels a bit more heavy. And so I introspect myself. But you know what? It happened again.. that stupid action that i’ve should’ve regreted happened again. I ask myself, why.. So I  re-introspect, and try to punish myself (not physically) this time. But then again, those actions become a routinity. It’s like a circle of evil. And this sickens me. A person should’ve not repeat the same mistake twice! But why? After having the knowledge of good and wrong, I kept making the same stupid action?

OK, some of you may be wondering now, what is this ’stupid action’? It’s actually something I shouldn’t do. It could be anything. Now, the problem is, I have done many ’shouldn’t-do’ things ranging from simple stupid things like putting your finger to your finger inside your ear and then pointing it in front of your nose to s***l it and talking very unclearly (or too fast?) that made yourself look very-very stupid (a freak even) continouesly every day, to sinfull stuffs I don’t even dare to speak the name of the action.

All of this, somehow, because of the continuity of this stupid action. I became less and less guilty. No more regrets, no more burden of sin. It all became a part of everyday life..  until..  a very hard-knocking bad event struct your life. Events like, failing on your exam.. continouesly, motorcycle accident, making major mistake to your friends, your 3 month planned big campus event became a major failure with a total loss of 80 Million Rupiah, and all because of you. When that happens.. A guilt that felt very-very strong, the feeling of collecting small and big sins into one humongous sin. A feelling that lead into.. a very insecure moment. The fact that you can die at anytime began to haunt you. Of all those hard feelings, it was the burden of the big sin that haunts you the most. If I hadn’t crossed the critical moment that happened around July 2004, Death may be one of my option.

So how do I pass this very insecure moment? The answer: Redemption. The only way I managed to survive those insecure moments is by redeem the mistake I made. Taubah, the realization of knowing the fact that you’re just another human being, vulnarable to mistakes and stupidity. No matter how smart you are, no matter how old you are, you will always make mistake. Even Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) make mistake.

Yes, that is why Islam is beautiful. No matter how big your sins are, no matter how far you’ve fallen into the ‘dark-side’, redemption is always a choice. Allah will always forgive you. But this doesn’t mean you can always do sinfull things knowing you can redeem anytime. Because ‘anytime’ really depends on when you will die.

OK, I just discussed about how insecure came to me and how I managed to survive. I realize that many of the examples that I have spoken occurred during my critical moments other than the critical moment that I used the term to describe: the point that I realized the real truth.(confused?). Let’s use the term ‘very-hi-level-of-insecure-moment’ to describe this critical moment. What happened to me now, today, as what I have reffered in the beginning of this writting is a ‘low-level-of-insecure-moment’. Get it? OK, before things become more confusing, Dega, signing out!

until we meet again, insha Allah!

Wassalamualaikum

Assalamualaikum!!

Hello, this is the premiere of my first blog! After drooling over someone’s cool blog and 3 days of consideration, I finally make this decision! Ok, first things first, many of you must be wondering why would a person like me decided to blog. The main reason is: I like to think wild things, theories beyond normal imagination, philosophical things, both realistic and unreal. They often roam inside my head, very very often. And it’s just so darn uncool if I don’t publish those.. things. But thank god I’m not a free-thinker. Well, not until last year, when I’m still uncertain about my faith. Yes, that dark june.. It was the darkest point of my life..  yet. Just glad I passed that critical point of my life.

Also, there’s my everyday life. Full of exciting, cool, dark, stories! OK, maybe I was a little too over-the-border at telling things. To tell you the truth, I’m not really used into writting. So, sorry if many of these writings sometimes don’t make any sense, or maybe, wrong grammars,vocabs,etc.

I think this is long enough to be an introductory post. Too long perhaps. Neverthless, I welcome all of you to read the tale of my life! Enjoy!

Wassalamualaikum